Humbug~

It's sad to see that this blogsite has become a venue for inhibited thoughts and repressed feelings. But then again, that was the primary purpose as to why this parcel was formed.

It's the 23rd! :) Two days before the big day, the supposed highlight of the year- when people should be happy for no apparent reason. It's the time of the year when these two wonderful words come alive without bashing - "Just Because".

And until now, I feel no spark of the season. :(

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Fall from Grace

I need this phase to finish - fast. I don't like it. I don't know why I allowed it to happen. I hate this feeling; when one is confined in a situation where emotions are unstable, where conflict may arise in any given time.

I wish to vent to all my heart's desire, but I am taken aback by the possibilities of other people reading this post. Albeit there aren't much who are aware of the owner of this blog site, I still have silly inhibitions of letting out this fcking feeling.

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What would you do. . .

. . . if the person you've trusted and loved has actually been a lie from the very beginning?

Okay I won't jump into conclusions yet, not unless I talk to him. But I don't think that's possible, and assuming the worst case scenario (that he, indeed lied to my face for almost two years) won't hurt either. I don't have any grudges, nor does murderous thoughts dwell in my mind. I just wanted to talk, I just want to know why you did that and why you didn't tell me.

I know its mostly my fault, I allowed for such things to happen without even thinking twice. I don't regret anything, and looking back on the events that had transpired- i can't help but laugh if that really is the case :)) I had fun, no doubt. And I know that even if you did or didn't lie, a thing won't change between us. It's already over anyway. But I still feel that you owe me an explanation. Its easy if everything would just fit in the puzzle, then assuming wouldn't be a trouble. The sad thing is, all i have is a name, memories and speculations. All i can do is put a piece here and there, but at the end of the day, all of it doesn't really fit together. Sadly, I can't use a glue, jam it in the board and force myself to believe that it really is that way. Because I think that I'm duping myself too much if I let this go on, I think its time for truths now. And I can't grab truths from the pond, I need to hear them from you.

So please, enlighten me . :))

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A Blog Post

Yehess~ This is my first post for this semester. Weird as it may be, I tend to blog a lot during weeks of stress and anxiety. Seeing as life had been great to me for the previous weeks, I forgot to update my small parcel of the vast virtual universe. But for motivation's sake- here i am~ trying to write whatever it is that pops out of my feeble mind.

Currently Reading: Nightmares and Dreamscapes by Stephen King
Currently Watching: Soul Eater Season 2
LSS: Out of my League
Craving for: Champorado
Attended: Level Up! Live (November 7, 2009 @ World Trade Center) and Anime Overload Festival (November 8, 2009 @ SMX Convention Center)
Working on: A LOT OF SHIT :D

It's the second week of what is supposedly my last semester in college. School load hasn't clinged on to me like a fat panda bear yet, but extra-curriculars are bombarding me like crazy. Talk about deadlines, blessed is the day that I stop procrastinating.

So for the following months, I promise that I will try to be responsible not only in school and at work, but also at home and to myself. I'll try to stop harassing myself [that didn't sound right :))] because medicine is expensive D:

Okay~ I ran out of things to say. HAHA. See i'm not as talkative as others presume D: It just so happens that circumstances allow me to say everything that's on my mind on instances when my mind is filled with all these crazy notions. Or maybe, I just ran out of things to say because I already ranted at someone's face awhile ago :3

OH YEAH! I hate people who try so hard to be leftists who can't even prove their damn point, nor construct paragraphs with proper grammar. SHUT UP YOU FOOLS~ :D HAHA.

Im'ma go nao because my mind is going topsy turvy and i've nothing to say :3
chow!

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PJ :)

What's with a park?

Eto na lang ung naiwan kong memory ng PhotoJourn class ko this sem, aside sa mga rolls of film sa drawer ko =))

The seventh part of the life formula, the Sequence:
SUBJECT: Luneta

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it really doesn't matter what i feel.
i give up.
it doesn't make sense anymore.
i'm tired of this vicious cycle.
i'm tired of trying.
i'm tired of waiting.
i'm tired of being someone that i want to be,
someone who could never be me.

I'm going home :)

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chill :D

Time out muna. Mula sa tambak na school work, naiwang trabaho at sakit sa katawan.

Oye, though I was able to sleep for more than 6 hours today, it still wasn't enough cause I wake up every hour
since 6AM, trying to get up and continue working on our thesis. Kaso 10AM na ko nakabangon, parang sinayang ko lang ung apat na oras kasi hindi rin naman ako nakatulog ng maayos.

9PM na. Atlast, natapos din sa thesis. May naiwan pang isang pahirap na kailangan din ipasa bukas. Bakit ba kasi naging proponent pa ko -.-" dagdag trabaho tuloy. Haha okay wala ko karapatang umangal. Err o.o maya maya na yun, kailangan ko ata muna mag unwind. Pero weird kasi PC parin kaharap ko. Naka apat na bote na ata ako ng isang litrong coke ngayong araw, at iinom pa ko. I need sugar. I need caffeine.

So ayun. How do you know na hindi mo na mahal ang isang tao? (sabay ganun eh no)
Dahil ba hindi mo na siya araw araw kausap, hindi mo na siya (gaano) naiisip at 'di katulad dati, hindi mo nami-miss ang mga message niya at tinatamad ka ng makipag usap sakanya.
Dahil ba ngayon tanggap mo nang wala siyang kwentang kausap dahil kahit gaano kahaba ang text mo ay irereply niya lang sayo "okay :))" and things like that?
Dahil ba hindi tulad noon, hindi mo na naiisip na magkikita din kayong dalawa sa hinaharap upang maiayos ang lahat?
Dahil ba totoong hindi ka na umaasang babalik siya at wala ka na rin balak pang makipag balikan kasi wala naman talagang patutunguhan?
Dahil ba hindi ka na nalulungkot na hindi mo na boyfriend yung crush mo dati?
Dahil ba nagagamit mo na ang mga binigay niya ng hindi nag se-senti?
Dahil ba pag nakikita mo ang picture niya ngayon, hindi ka napapa isip na sana hindi ka na lang nakipag break?
Dahil ba kaya mo ng magshare sakanya ng mga bagay na maaaring magpahiwatig na wala kayong pag asa, di katulad ng dati na hindi nag bago ang pag trato mo sakanya?

Kung ganun nga, edi okay. If not, I guess I won't know for sure until I see him personally. Which I doubt na mangyayari kasi ayoko na din siyang makita, kumpara dati na i exerted so much just to see him. Kasi sa palagay ko kahit mag kita kami, wala namang magbabago. Hindi na babalik yung naramdaman ko para sakanya, kasi hindi na siya yung minahal ko noon.

Oo nga. Siguro mali yung pag mag bago yung tao, kesa tanggapin mo, hindi mo na mamahalin. Edi mali ako o.o
Ganun eh. So pano mo naman malalaman kung mahal mo na yung tao? Kung you just became too attached, or infatuated and all that shit.

Isang sign na ba yung dati lahat nasasabi mo sakaniya, kaso ngayon may mga bagay ka ng tinatago kasi hindi pwede. . o.o
Yung, gusto mo gawin yung mga bagay para lang maging masaya siya.
Yung, kulang yung araw mo pag 'di mo siya nakausap.

and all that shit :))

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