What would you do. . .

. . . if the person you've trusted and loved has actually been a lie from the very beginning?

Okay I won't jump into conclusions yet, not unless I talk to him. But I don't think that's possible, and assuming the worst case scenario (that he, indeed lied to my face for almost two years) won't hurt either. I don't have any grudges, nor does murderous thoughts dwell in my mind. I just wanted to talk, I just want to know why you did that and why you didn't tell me.

I know its mostly my fault, I allowed for such things to happen without even thinking twice. I don't regret anything, and looking back on the events that had transpired- i can't help but laugh if that really is the case :)) I had fun, no doubt. And I know that even if you did or didn't lie, a thing won't change between us. It's already over anyway. But I still feel that you owe me an explanation. Its easy if everything would just fit in the puzzle, then assuming wouldn't be a trouble. The sad thing is, all i have is a name, memories and speculations. All i can do is put a piece here and there, but at the end of the day, all of it doesn't really fit together. Sadly, I can't use a glue, jam it in the board and force myself to believe that it really is that way. Because I think that I'm duping myself too much if I let this go on, I think its time for truths now. And I can't grab truths from the pond, I need to hear them from you.

So please, enlighten me . :))

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A Blog Post

Yehess~ This is my first post for this semester. Weird as it may be, I tend to blog a lot during weeks of stress and anxiety. Seeing as life had been great to me for the previous weeks, I forgot to update my small parcel of the vast virtual universe. But for motivation's sake- here i am~ trying to write whatever it is that pops out of my feeble mind.

Currently Reading: Nightmares and Dreamscapes by Stephen King
Currently Watching: Soul Eater Season 2
LSS: Out of my League
Craving for: Champorado
Attended: Level Up! Live (November 7, 2009 @ World Trade Center) and Anime Overload Festival (November 8, 2009 @ SMX Convention Center)
Working on: A LOT OF SHIT :D

It's the second week of what is supposedly my last semester in college. School load hasn't clinged on to me like a fat panda bear yet, but extra-curriculars are bombarding me like crazy. Talk about deadlines, blessed is the day that I stop procrastinating.

So for the following months, I promise that I will try to be responsible not only in school and at work, but also at home and to myself. I'll try to stop harassing myself [that didn't sound right :))] because medicine is expensive D:

Okay~ I ran out of things to say. HAHA. See i'm not as talkative as others presume D: It just so happens that circumstances allow me to say everything that's on my mind on instances when my mind is filled with all these crazy notions. Or maybe, I just ran out of things to say because I already ranted at someone's face awhile ago :3

OH YEAH! I hate people who try so hard to be leftists who can't even prove their damn point, nor construct paragraphs with proper grammar. SHUT UP YOU FOOLS~ :D HAHA.

Im'ma go nao because my mind is going topsy turvy and i've nothing to say :3
chow!

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PJ :)

What's with a park?

Eto na lang ung naiwan kong memory ng PhotoJourn class ko this sem, aside sa mga rolls of film sa drawer ko =))

The seventh part of the life formula, the Sequence:
SUBJECT: Luneta

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it really doesn't matter what i feel.
i give up.
it doesn't make sense anymore.
i'm tired of this vicious cycle.
i'm tired of trying.
i'm tired of waiting.
i'm tired of being someone that i want to be,
someone who could never be me.

I'm going home :)

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chill :D

Time out muna. Mula sa tambak na school work, naiwang trabaho at sakit sa katawan.

Oye, though I was able to sleep for more than 6 hours today, it still wasn't enough cause I wake up every hour
since 6AM, trying to get up and continue working on our thesis. Kaso 10AM na ko nakabangon, parang sinayang ko lang ung apat na oras kasi hindi rin naman ako nakatulog ng maayos.

9PM na. Atlast, natapos din sa thesis. May naiwan pang isang pahirap na kailangan din ipasa bukas. Bakit ba kasi naging proponent pa ko -.-" dagdag trabaho tuloy. Haha okay wala ko karapatang umangal. Err o.o maya maya na yun, kailangan ko ata muna mag unwind. Pero weird kasi PC parin kaharap ko. Naka apat na bote na ata ako ng isang litrong coke ngayong araw, at iinom pa ko. I need sugar. I need caffeine.

So ayun. How do you know na hindi mo na mahal ang isang tao? (sabay ganun eh no)
Dahil ba hindi mo na siya araw araw kausap, hindi mo na siya (gaano) naiisip at 'di katulad dati, hindi mo nami-miss ang mga message niya at tinatamad ka ng makipag usap sakanya.
Dahil ba ngayon tanggap mo nang wala siyang kwentang kausap dahil kahit gaano kahaba ang text mo ay irereply niya lang sayo "okay :))" and things like that?
Dahil ba hindi tulad noon, hindi mo na naiisip na magkikita din kayong dalawa sa hinaharap upang maiayos ang lahat?
Dahil ba totoong hindi ka na umaasang babalik siya at wala ka na rin balak pang makipag balikan kasi wala naman talagang patutunguhan?
Dahil ba hindi ka na nalulungkot na hindi mo na boyfriend yung crush mo dati?
Dahil ba nagagamit mo na ang mga binigay niya ng hindi nag se-senti?
Dahil ba pag nakikita mo ang picture niya ngayon, hindi ka napapa isip na sana hindi ka na lang nakipag break?
Dahil ba kaya mo ng magshare sakanya ng mga bagay na maaaring magpahiwatig na wala kayong pag asa, di katulad ng dati na hindi nag bago ang pag trato mo sakanya?

Kung ganun nga, edi okay. If not, I guess I won't know for sure until I see him personally. Which I doubt na mangyayari kasi ayoko na din siyang makita, kumpara dati na i exerted so much just to see him. Kasi sa palagay ko kahit mag kita kami, wala namang magbabago. Hindi na babalik yung naramdaman ko para sakanya, kasi hindi na siya yung minahal ko noon.

Oo nga. Siguro mali yung pag mag bago yung tao, kesa tanggapin mo, hindi mo na mamahalin. Edi mali ako o.o
Ganun eh. So pano mo naman malalaman kung mahal mo na yung tao? Kung you just became too attached, or infatuated and all that shit.

Isang sign na ba yung dati lahat nasasabi mo sakaniya, kaso ngayon may mga bagay ka ng tinatago kasi hindi pwede. . o.o
Yung, gusto mo gawin yung mga bagay para lang maging masaya siya.
Yung, kulang yung araw mo pag 'di mo siya nakausap.

and all that shit :))

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hooray for today! LOL :))

yey~ was able to finish four articles today. Still have one pending, but I'm thinking of finishing it tomorrow o.o

Today has been a very productive day! Was able to gather Review of Related Lits and Studies at DLSU Lib, which I must commend for being very accomodating! Not only is their library big and jam packed with useful books, it's easy to locate them XD Even the xerox is cheap, and fast. yey for la salle! lol.

i feel so hypurrrr i think im starting to fix the things i left hanging~ :D

this is a very stupid post, sareeeeeee im just hypeeeerrr =))

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ReCap :D

rawr~ I got my much needed break today! But boo me because I still feel guilty. Don't ask why XDD haha. Sooooo, I plan to make the most of my weekend~ and i'll be back to kickin ass on Monday :3

A quick recap of events! I have been quite busy with work for the past few weeks. I've been to four events already o_o

One was the ZX Event: Rise of the Emperor thinger @ SM Manila, where I first exercised my "media rights". I went there about an hour before the program ended (see i have classes during saturdays D:) but still! I met an old friend who now works in PlayGround Magazine, and he introduced me to a lot of people. It was fun, but the most enjoying part was receiving a goodie bag 8D yes i am shallow :> the T-Shirt roxx, but I'll never wear it.

Next was the Audition Event: Launch of the Hottest Gaming Barkada @ SM Manila, where I was both a marshall and a media peep o.o This event was quite different from the former, there were a lot of people until 7pm o_o It was like a big party place, filled with all kinds of people. There were so many celebrities and hot babes. HAHA. The event was tiring but it was extra fun~ After the event, I ate dinner with Ate Abby and Kuya Kiko (PR doods from Dominguez) at Max's. Then I went to Inasal to crash the dinner thinger of my fellow marshalls with EG GMs.

Third was the Runes of Magic Press Launch @ Greenbelt 3. If I weren't assigned to write about it, I wouldn't have attended. The rain was pouring so hard and curse me for wearing that footwear which gave me callouses o_o
Note to self: Don't go to events alone, you might get the urge to text your ex-boyfriend o.o HAHAHA!
The first few instances were boring because I'm not really interested in mingling, I don't feel like talking to other "media" people. Okay, I felt small. All of them were veterans of the craft, I was an amateur and a student. I don't think talking to them would benefit my ego in any way. HAHA. But the event proper was interesting. When you first enter the lobby of the cinema, you'd feel the creepy ambiance of the event brought about by the eerie sound played over and over. The event was hosted by Sam YG, who was very entertaining throughout. They even hired a magician to perform tricks on stage, but boo me because I forgot his name. They discussed how the game works and I must say that I am very interested to try it out o_o Aside from the free grub, the most memorable thing that happened that day is the raffle. It was my first time to win in a raffle, and lucky me because i received an 8gb ipod nano~ 8D

And lastly, the Operation 7 Press Launch @ The Podium. We arrived about five minutes before the call time, after rummaging through the streets of Ortigas looking for that freaking place under the heavy rain. Yeah it's my fault, we could've taken a more convenient path but bless me for loving walking so much. WAHAHA :)) Oh yeah, I brought someone along with me, Stephuu :D The event started at 3PM because there weren't much attendees during the first hour. I guess it was because of the horrible weather, traffic and all o.o The presentation was kind of cramped up, considering the amount of time they have left. Of course, theatrics were never a waste. It was all the more amusing, seeing Sir Franco with those "army men". After the product presentation, there was a merienda thinger located outside the cinema. After eating bread (haha the event was catered by Delifrance. It was delicious, mind you :>), we went back to the cinema for the free screening of the movie "Gamer" by Gerard Butler. It was okay, not uber duber nice.. but okay o.o

Well those are the mag work aspects of my life for the previous weeks that passed. But of course my life does not revolve on that alone. :3 Maybe next time I'll share about other vivid details~ I think that this post is already too long so I'll cut it off na. If there are any mispelled words or grammatical errors, forgive me because I didn't go through the shit that I have written. I did not re-read, I just typed whatever poppped out of my mind. HAHA. RAWR ! :D

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